3 Tips to Get to the Other Side of Stuck
Stuck in the past……look how much time has flown by…..have I done enough…..am I doing enough…..why did I waste so much time on x, y and z.
Stuck in the future…..how much time do I have left?.....Am I doing the right things with my time?......Will I ever accomplish something of significance?.....What if I die?.....What if I keep going in circles?
Stuck in the present…..okay I already fucked up my past, I’d be hopeful about the future but I need to be realistic….(pretty much insert anything that your mind has tricked you into believing isn’t good enough) I'm 38, no kids, no grown up full time 9 to 5 pm job, living back at my moms….yup future is fucked. Mom, I still love you though!
Can you relate?
Are you constantly haunted by your past mistakes or still bothered by ways in which you were wronged? Maybe you have goals but “reasons” (real or false) keep coming up on why you can’t do them, or my favorite…you act like Walter Mercado (he’s a cool Latino psychic) and already know (or so you think) what the future holds for you……mostly plague, disease and famine (cue sad violin music).
These have been my thoughts since about November….and since thoughts affect feelings and behaviors I haven’t been in my best form. Sure, I still do what a lot of us do in this situation….function. Still perform our duties…..show up for school, work, kids, family, but some glitter is missing. Now and then we let our guard down and find ourselves genuinely laughing with a friend, smiling at a possibility , captivated by beauty, and have a pep in our step.
We know ourselves better than we realize. I know when I am in fear, when I am hiding from myself, and when I think my connection to my higher power is lost.
This is why I wanted to share with you some of my tools and jewels, aka what works for me, for my clients and my friends with whom I've shared them with. Sharing is caring. Just not the flu.
1. Take your time, be patient with yourself. You aren’t a robot. Feelings aren’t always meant to be shifted so quickly. Sometimes we are meant to process.
“Today I only go as fast as the slowest part of me” “Today I am exactly where I need to be”
“Today I appreciate how far I’ve come” “Taking my time IS doing something about it” Be open-minded that things aren’t ALWAYS best when they are on YOUR timeline.
2. Stay honest. I remember calling my sponsor a few times sounding like Ms. Cleaver, “I’m great, life’s good, family is good” when that was far from the truth. Keep talking about it. Keep sharing with people that care about you and will support you through this time. In the rooms I hear, “A problem shared is a problem cut in half” and that has been my experience. There’s a difference between spending time on your own and isolating. You will feel and know the difference. Speak up. You matter. Your voice matters. Stay honest.
3. Find what keeps you present. When I’m not dancing or writing I know all hell is about to break loose. Doing those things force me to be in the present, in my body. I don’t have a worry in the world in those moments. You have your own version of dancing like a maniac. Be willing to start doing it again or to find it.
These things are all just for today, one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time.
Jen Castaneda RN, BSN
Life Coach for spiritual people who don’t feel so spiritual today.
Drug & Alcohol Counselor Intern