I didn’t go to the liquor store to buy alcohol the other day. But no one was there to give me a gold star or say good job; I'm the only one that knew. I would also be the only one that knew if I decided to pop into the store and buy a bottle of Bacardi. No one at the store would have said a thing.

A little back story. Alcohol and I aren’t really good friends. I have this little problem that when I drink I have the capability of transforming into the biggest a**hole, destroying anything in my path and then feeling worthless the next morning. So going to the liquor store and buying a bottle is a bigger deal to me than for most people.

free to be meThis is not something I ever wanted to share with you. For fear that you might think lesser of me. But my need to share my story with you in the slight chance that it can help you or someone you love outweighs my need for you to think highly of me. And, to be frank and selfish, sharing this really helps me continue my journey of being FREEEEEEEE to love and accept myself…..ALL of ME. So you’re welcome and thanks!

See the thing is that, on that particular day, I was feeling sad, confused, discouraged and isolated for many reasons, for all the reasons, heck sometimes there doesn’t even have to be a reason.

Can you relate?

It’s a run of the mill Saturday night, the world seems to be functioning, the news is on, traffic continues, friends and family are in their routine but you just feel like an outsider…..disconnected.

Well, these are all feelings I have been very familiar with. The significant difference is that now I handle them differently. I really want to share with you what steps I take when these feelings come on strong. (Trust me it wasn’t always this way and, at the beginning, it can be challenging but that’s okay because if I did it you definitely could do it too!)

In the past, when these feelings came on I would either:

  • buy a bottle of vodka and a small bottle of coca-cola, pour some of the soda out as soon as I got of the store and mix the vodka with it and DRIVE…..yes drive…. home….or to a nightclub.
  • find someone to cheat on my boyfriend with, I would call an ex or someone just to say “hi” which, of course, would sometimes lead to more.
  • find any reason to go spend money... “Shopping spree.”
  • argue with the family member or friend that was within ½ mile radius.

All of these activities provided me with an OUT….a way not to feel my feelings, a way to go numb, a way to blame someone else later, a way to fill an insatiable void.

Unfortunately for me and everyone that got hurt in the process-------it didn’t work and it sure as hell won’t work now.

The tricky thing is that you or your loved one may not even know that this is even happening. Sometimes, your brain is so hard-wired to not know how to deal with disconnection, sadness, depression, isolation, and  frustration that it quickly (almost automatically) goes into autopilot……and the defense mechanisms you choose feel so real and needed.

For example, the argument with your friend or family member …..well they really deserved it……and the crazy shopping spree…..well what if those clothes weren’t discounted next time or even there, and well you have nothing to wear…….the running to another lover…….well my current boyfriend deserved it, he should have been nicer to me.

You see what I mean? It can easily feel real, it’s tricky.

So now to the bright side……the best part of me being my own biggest problem is that I was also my biggest solution.

I want my downfalls to contribute to you stepping up in your life!

You might be wondering what I do now when I feel stuck and lousy. Below are the steps I use. I also teach my clients these steps when I am helping them attract their soulmate because it's so important to really get to the core of feelings…..no more numbing out, no more autopilot. And it can be scary so that’s why I’m there to coach them through the process.

find soulmate1. FEEL- FEEL it in every cell, allow it, don’t resist, you count, your feelings count 2. Cry it out—RELEASE, maybe it’s screaming into the pillow or in an empty (non-moving !) car. This is not the the time to “keep your shiz together.” 3. Journal it out-even a few lines, even the same word over and over, your subconscious becomes engaged when you write, you reconnect with all of you. 4. Sleep it out/Dance it out/Kickbox it out- move that energy! 5. You will feel a shift. When you're in a new space go back and reflect what was happening and don’t ask WHY is this happening but HOW can I make it better for myself next time? WHAT do I need in place to help me feel ___________? And remember to remind yourself that you are human and it’s okay to muck it up sometimes, BUT it’s NOT ever okay to berate and belittle yourself. 6. MOST IMPORTANTLY---REPLENISH…..soothe yourself, reconnect with someone positive or get a massage. My favorite things to replenish myself is eating a yummy bowl of chicken soup with lots of ginger or taking a nice walk at Garret Mountain.

Keep in mind, that these are the very first steps I took and then came the good stuff....

Two BIG HUGE ONES ARE ....ONE...having gratitude for the good that was going on in my life helps me shift my feelings, I mean really having gratitude......for example not just saying, "Im grateful for my mom" instead really feel into it, "I'm grateful for my mom's strong hugs every time she sees me, every time I walk into her house she tells me how great it is to see me and I see her smiling face......I'm so grateful." (Be specific.)

And TWO......getting a spiritual connection to something bigger than me, wherever your faith lies by reminding yourself of this faith, what it means to you, how it supports you is key to feeling connected with yourself and others.

You can do it! I believe in you.

Remember, if you're ready for different results then you've gotta try different actions. I have your back.

Need some advice on your love life? Send your question over to info@jennifercastaneda.com with the subject line “single to soulmate” and your question will be answered within 24 hours!