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silence Ever have this overwhelming feeling of wanting to reach out to your friends, your tribe, your peeps, your community......well this is how I feel in this very moment!

I wanted to reach out to you and share something special and important with you----it's my intention that this information will help strengthen your relationships as well as our relationship.

silence2In a previous blog I let you into my heart and shared a challenging time I was having with my transition in moving from San Diego back  to Jersey and how it was rough, confusing and frustrating. So somehow it dawned on me to take an oath of silence for a few days. Not an easy feat if you know me but it was THE ONE THING that felt really right in the midst of chaos.

Now, I had never done something like this before so I did what anyone else trying something new would do......I GOOGLED it!

Wow and I found SOOOO many rules about it and lots of recommendations of do's and don't.  I decided to keep it simple,

so these are the rules I followed.

1. Let my family and close friends know beforehand

2. Wrote this on a piece of paper that I kept in my pocket (in both spanish and english)  to show someone if they approached me, (didn't go over so well when a very sweet Jehova's witness came over to my place.....I was alone when I opened the door and I showed her the paper.....I still wonder if her frown meant she didn't believe me ):  I couldn't help myself so I hugged her and gladly accepted the booklet she was sharing.

silencesign

3. I journaled my feelings, no t.v, internet or phone

FINDINGS

1. Of course THIS turned out to be the weekend I ran into lots of old friends, cousins and business associates "randomly" on the streets. Some of them laughed, some said, "that's interesting",  or "good for you" And I can't decide which is my favorite between  "you should try this more often" or the woman at the bakery that said to my mom, "I am sorry about your daughter." (because I love that my mom didn't feel she had to give an explanation and just said thank you and went on shopping)

2. It was interesting when a friend would gossip and I had nothing to say.......the gossip and her energy around it quickly subdued and she stopped.

gossip

3. It was interesting when my mom spoke about her feelings on a delicate subject and since I wasn't able to respond or say anything......she was free to be completely open....she just kept sharing and sharing her deep feelings until she cried.....and then we hugged.

mom

4. It was interesting when doing a 6am INSANITY workout with my brother and cousin Corina, I observed them having a good time, laughing and bonding over exercise.

exercise (not my brother & cousin lol)

5. It was even more interesting when Chris said something that upset me.....I wanted to quickly sting back and defend myself but I couldn't.......(but I was close).....and as he kept talking, my not being able to talk caused all my feelings to INTENSIFY and my feelings flowed so much more quickly inside of me....from blame......to anger.....as we rounded the corner to sadness....then to fear and finally tears flowed through my eyes and he had no idea until that point all the feelings I was having......I looked at him.....right into his eyes.......and couldn't say a word......tears on my cheeks....I took a deep breath and then I felt it.......felt it like a truck had hit me.....the love in his heart......the love in his eyes.....without a word......I moved forward and hugged him so hard and he hugged me back even harder. He later told me he felt an immense amount of love in that hug and didn't realize that a talk about a bank statement had so much impact on me lol

couple hug

But so do you get it yet? Do you get what I learned and what will help you strengthen your relationships?

1) Your words are powerful and can add fuel to any fire if used for evil.

2) Your silence is precious and also powerful and can cause the strongest hearts to soften and open up. Everyone wants and deserves to be fully heard.

3) When you speak too quickly......with your words or sarcasm.....are you putting up a wall to  simply defend yourself NOT from that person but from HAVING TO COME face to face with your own heart and emotions.

4) Not everyone will agree. understand or cheer you on for the things you do, even if

it's good for you.

5) If you are always talking you might miss the great things in life.

6) And finally when you share your true emotions with someone it gives them an opportunity to decide to share back.

silence1

So it goes without saying I treasure this experience and would love to hear if you decide to try something like this, comment below if you want to share any experience you might have had like this.

PS. did you know that it actually takes 7-8 steps in the process of communication to be an ACTIVE listener.....have you been running into trouble when you communicate with people? Contact me at info@jennifercastaneda.com and let's get that squared away in one powerful session......it's ok you can contact me I don't have any Silent Oaths scheduled this month ( ; [contact-form][contact-field label='Name' type='name' required='1'/][contact-field label='Email' type='email' required='1'/][contact-field label='Website' type='url'/][contact-field label='Comment' type='textarea' required='1'/][/contact-form]