#1 Reason To Not Give Up On Love Yet

#1 Reason To Not Give Up On Love Yet

C'mon I'm a Dating Coach do you really think I could pick 1 #1 Reason? It's like picking my favorite Marc Anthony song or my favorite Marianne Williamson book.......very difficult......they are all so damn good.

I know you have  been waiting, I know you have been trying, I know you have been praying.

Don't give up. Not now.

Here's why.

So I am going to give you 5 #1 Reasons to not give up on LOVE. 

If you still haven't found a partner who is your friend,  your lover,  your travel companion, your confidante......someone that will have your back through thick and thin, just like you would have theirs......don't give up yet.

 

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#1 When you give up on love, you give up on a piece of yourself. A Piece of your truth, love is already within you.

#1 When you give up on love, someone out there doesn't get to feel LOVED THE WAY ONLY YOU can LOVE. And boy, can you LOVE.......you don't even know the half of it

#1 Romantic healthy love can energize your life, expand your mind and make you want to soar

#1 Romantic healthy love can help you feel a sense of freedom you have never felt (This one came from a close married girlfriend, she actually said she felt more free in a her relationship then she ever did single)

#1 Love heals, Love transforms, Love is powerful.

(my favorite & my own experience) #1 In your "search" for love you get to find yourself again, the dark and the light, you are met face to face with the things you like about yourself and all the things you have wanted to avoid-----but you come out more fully YOU.

 

So I think it's worth it.

It's worth taking the time and changing patterns that haven't given you the results you want.

It's worth waiting a bit, and not going home with him for instant gratification.

It' worth leaving the guy that makes you feel like it's ALWAYS a struggle.

It's worth getting to know that guy that isn't perfect, but he might just be perfect for you.

It's worth getting a coach, going to church, praying, having a strong spiritual support group or seeing a therapist if this will help you remember how to LOVE yourself again.

It's worth doing whatever it takes, in sickness or in health, for richer or for poorer, till death do you part to

build a loving relationship with yourself and re-introduce yourself to you again........isn't it? Of course it is. And if you ask me I DO.  

NOW that's love. And that is not something you just give up on.

So now I'd love to hear from you. What's your reason for not giving up on love? What do you do to continue a healthy love with yourself? Do you think the relationship you have with yourself affects the type of romantic relationship you attract?

 

 

He Had The Nerve To Leave ME??!!

He Had The Nerve To Leave ME??!!

Dear Lovely, As a dating coach I see in my clients alot of the same unhealthy & loca patterns I have gone through myself. 

Today's blog is dedicated to one of the most heart breaking and hair pulling patterns I have had to overcome.

I call it the "Seriously? He is leaving ME??!!" Pattern

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You see, Somehow the men I dated had a long list of shortcomings or I always felt like "something was missing", yet I stayed. 

I fought on. I tried. I read tons of books on relationships, I read books on communication. I gave him space if he needed it, attention when he was ready.  Understanding and patience were my middle name when it came to them.  I once decorated one guys room full of his favorite artifacts for his birthday, one guys mom hated me and I put up with her passive-aggressive behavior constantly, another guy I drove thousands of miles to see him when he missed me, and even dressed as a edible cupcake for one. I went to therapists, I'd ask him to counseling with me. (Is it really a surprise they  left me?)

The list goes on.

I bent over backwards so much that I broke

ALL IN HOPES OF "MAKING IT WORK"

YET.......they always left me! Cheated usually, I usually felt totally BLIND-SIDED, I thought they were happy. or I thought damn if anyone should be leaving this unhealthy and toxic relationship IT SHOULD BE ME! ....

So Why didn't I?

Why did I try so hard?

Why did I stay so long?  (Even after he left me, I mentally stayed in the relationship for a LONG time)

The Big Disconnect and what I didn't get is that I'm a smart chickie, just like you.

If you know me, you might know I was voted most likely to succeed in elementary school, was an honor society student and graduated with a bachelors in nursing and minor in psychology from Rutgers University. 

Hell, I even took my college level Biology class at HARVARD when in I was still in high school!

I am sharing this with you because YOU are probably very accomplished too.

Good career

Nice car

Great friends

Travel alot

And yet when in comes to your relationships, you bend over backwards for them.

Most of the time you are the one obsessing over him, putting the real muscle and effort into the relationship. 

Your friends even tell you it doesn't make sense.

It's not about being smart or having a good head on your shoulders. It's not even about being a strong woman.

It's about the ingrained thoughts, emotions, and actions we have inside of us. 

So unless you take a good look at it, take exact steps to process it , and integrate into your current lifestyle......these crazy LOCA thinking patterns stay with us no matter how much we fight it.

blog4cDon't get me wrong, relationships take effort and love. There will be challenges and obstacles.

But like I told my client this week, if you've never built a tent before, isn't easier and more fun if you do it with someone else AND they are into it too! 

 

It's not fun if you are the only one trying & fumbling putting the tent together when someone else is just sitting, sitting there comfortably eating up all the marshmallows!

And if you aren't sure what is the difference between the phenomenon I just described VS.  putting healthy effort into the relationship is this......

Ask yourself this one question......

If I stopped putting all the effort I am currently putting into the relationship for a few weeks even month would my relationship crumble?

Go ahead and try it, I am not saying don't put any effort or to be an Asshole yourself, I am saying go ahead just as a test, stop OVER exerting yourself.

Let him do his thing, stop correcting him, or recommending things to him, or cooking when it's not your night or when your tired, stop reminding him of things all the time, and stop reminding him of all the things he should be doing for you.  (kinda sounds like a son right? lol I know.)

Basically stop dressing up like a cupcake just because it's what you think he needs or asks for. 

I mean I still think it was cool that I dressed up like a cupcake and honestly I would dress up like a cupcake any day for the right man, the problem is that he didn't dress up like "Magic Mike" and dance for me when I asked him to.

I have a friend that I feel treats her guy like a king (which is cool), except it seems like he treats her like the house servant.....the wench (not cool) instead of the amazing queen she truly is.

And I wouldn't be surprised if he cheated on her or ends up being the one that leaves one day.   The craziest thing is that he has even told her himself, "You deserves better".......I have been told the same thing and it's usually code for "I finally realize I can't make you happy and you deserve to be happy"

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This is why I do what I do, you are meant to be truly happy and feel all the love you freely give. and this is exactly what I am teaching about in my 4 week workshop going on right now, that you can still join.

There are only 2 spots open.

Place: Passaic, NJ

Next class: 3/21/15

Contact me 980.458.2525 or email info@jennifercastaneda.com  to join or get further information on private coaching.

Sincerely,

Jennifer

 

 

 

 

Do You Still Think About Him?

Do You Still Think About Him?

Hi Beautiful Lady, blog3

This week I had a few clients tell me it's been hard forgetting or not thinking of their ex.  So I wanted to share 3 tools that I use if this is happening to you.

Ex on the cabeza is no bueno for a joyous life because it's hard to appreciate the present when you are living in the past.

I have been there. Doesn't feel good.  So if it's hard for you to concentrate or focus because thoughts or memories of him seem to constantly resurface watch this video I made for you.

 

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These are the 3 tools

1. Stop fighting it. Stop saying I wish I didn't miss him, or why do I still miss him. Accept it. Write it down 100 times in your journal like Bart Simpson style, I MISS ___________. Scream it! Let your body and mind be free to say, "I friggin miss Big Bob, I miss him and I am still going forward with my life , and THIS IS going to get better and easier"

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Rationale-What you resist persists and grows even stronger.  no bueno.

"Grant Me The Serenity To Accept The Things I cannot Change.......

 

2. Feel into it. Stop going numb. dating randomly to forget him, stop picking up the 12th alfajor (peruvian cookie) like I did or the 5th jack and coke, like I did too.  I do not believe in "to get over a guy you have to get under one." Trust me on this one sister, it doesn't work.  So you can journal, scream (not at anyone porfavor), visualization, meditate, do a layers letter (a tool I LOVE using with my clients), and many other ways to process.

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Rationale- Just because you sweep it under the rug it doesn'tmean it's not there. You will be in a world of hurtin and ALOT of cleaning up to do if you just keep brushing it under. Go Toe-to-Toe with it on your terms before the universe decides to gladly do it for you. In alot of cases this relationship could have been an addiction or the gift you needed to be fully present for the next relationship and unless we look at straight in the face and see what's what, we will suffer with no learning. Now that is not fun. No bueno. It's time for brave you to come forward.

 

...the Courage To Change the Things I can......."

 

 

3. Last and Not At All least. So now you admitted it, you stopped denying it, you also stopped the cycle of covering it up with something else that isn't the best for you either now is where the fun begins. PIVOTING. Now you begin thinking about the great things you do want to feel in a relationship.  And FEEL what you do want to bring into your life.  "Im so excited about having a man that communicates his needs and is supportive of my career", "I love that my partner accepts me exactly for who I am, " close your eyes, imagine you in his arms, imagine both of you dancing around or having 3am pillow talk conversation about your hopes and dreams.

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Rationale: As long as you keep remembering what you didn't like about him or how you no longer have what you did like about him you will keep attracting exactly that. So if you didn't like the dishonesty, as you continue THINKING about his dishonesty you will inevitably keep seeing it more in your life. If you miss his confidence you will keep thinking, "I don't have his confidence around to boost me up" and now you will keep attracting lack of confidence.

 

 

....And The Wisdom To Know The Difference"

 

BONUS TIP: When you are in your mind reliving the best moments you shared with him, stop for a second and write down ALL the ways it didn't work and ALL the things you didn't receive and what made you finally leave. For example when I would say, I miss movie day with him, or the funny faces we made for the camera then I would go write down yes, I miss him but I don't miss the dishonesty, I wasn't growing, I really wasn't even myself around him........Breathe.....then go immediately to TOOL 2 , so we don't dwell in the things you didn't receive. But it's important to recognize and remember you moved on for a reason and at THAT time it was the best thing for you to do with the information you had.

 

Like I mentioned in the video, if you have been dealing with this issue for a few months I suggest you get support. Remember they don't teach us this stuff in school, so you will only know how to do things different if you LEARN to do them different.

You are an amazing woman and it's time to get your beautiful heart out there again!

 

Now it's your turn, Comment below,  did you try one of these tools and how was it for you? What useful tools have you used to stop thinking about someone? I look forward to hearing from you!

 

With Infinite Love,

Jen C.

Are You Being Tricked To Sabotage V-Day? Plus-Some Tips To Make It Great

Are You Being Tricked To Sabotage V-Day? Plus-Some Tips To Make It Great

Hello Lovely,  

So VDay is this week and I needed to send out a quick video email to warn you about something that runs rampant around this time........even I have been guilty of doing this myself ........

Sabotaging Valentines Day!

vday(yes, that has been me!but we all know how that movie ended xoxoxo)

So how do you know if you are?

  • You don't plan it out.
  • You don't even think about what you would want to do
  • You don't communicate with your friends or partners your true desires
  • You don't stop to examine why you feel the way you do about VDay

I used to do  this all the time. I did it because I wasn't being true to myself.

So I never made plans because:

  • I didn't want to make it a big deal
  • I didn't want other people to think I was making it a big deal  
  • I was single & I didn't want to be disappointed 
  • I was in a relationship and didn't want to be disappointed so I made believe it really wasn't a big deal  

If you are doing these things, what you are really doing is setting yourself up to have a bad time. You are making this holiday or day about other people, it needs to be about 2 people..........YOU & YOURSELF.

So what's the solution? Keep Reading & Watch Video below xoxo

Oh before we get to video, here is another valuable tip to know why it might be hard to be true to yourself. As a hypnotherapist I know that thoughts and beliefs can sneak in our mind and we end up thinking they are our own thoughts......when they are not.

So is it time to take your gloves off against V-day?

So as much as people say that society and ads have brainwashed and ingrained our mind to celebrate this V-Day with shades of red, hearts and gifts.....

it has also tried to ingrain and brainwash our mind to NOT celebrate it, that we should hate it, shun it, and maybe even poke fun at people who do want to celebrate it.  

Think for yourself, feel for yourself, truly feel what YOU Desire.  Dig deep on why you love it or hate it.

So I've made this quick video to help you stop sabotaging your V-Day and some awesome ideas on what you can do.   Comment below to share how you are celebrating V-Day, it might inspire someone else!

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In this video I suggested a couple of fun things to do- here is the Link for the fabulous Self Love Celebration in NYC hosted by Bella Life's Nitika Chopra!

Ready for The Powerful 4 Week Program to Attract a Loving Partner that Fits Your Life & Meets Your Standards?

Then what are you waiting for, Send me your info and let's get started!

With deepest love,

Jen xoxo BSN, Love Coach, Clinical Hypnotherapist

Helping you meet a loving partner that fits your life & meets your standards.

 

A Fresh Start, Dating After A Heart-Breaking Breakup

We're almost into the second month of 2015. It's a new year full of hope and promise, a fresh start, a new beginning....but do we always want a new beginning? Not me. Not this year.

You see, I got myself to a place in my life where: - I'm able to experience true love again. - I can be with a man who doesn't try to change me, judge me and supports my growth. - I still have my own identity and know who I am in AND out of a relationship. - I don't have irrational fears of infidelity. - I trust myself and could trust my partner 100%. - My confidence is soaring and I left my "safety nest" to go after my dreams. - My family relationships improved TREMENDOUSLY. - I made real authentic connections and friendships with men & women. (Something that was really awkward and hard for me before!)

But this wasn't always the case....

dating coachLet me be totally transparent with you. I know all about fresh starts. I have been divorced twice. If you have ever been divorced, you might agree that sometimes we don’t want to have a fresh start even if we're unhappy because we feel safe. We want to stay married, despite the relationship being far from perfect.

At least I did.

For me, divorce was heart-wrenching and starting over was even worse. I was asked to get married but neither of my husbands ever asked me, “Hey Jen, would you agree to get divorced?” Sadly, both times, I was told over the phone and I wasn't given a choice. I felt FORCED to have to start over and I was terrified.

I was afraid that no other man would understand me or get to know me the way he did. That no one would joke with me or hold me the way he did. I kept thinking of the past and rehashing in my mind what I did, what I said, what I could have done differently and feeling guilty that it was all my fault. Even WORSE, I felt…."Who WAS I if I wasn’t in a relationship?" A big part of my identity was gone.

And even when I thought I had moved on and started dating again, I felt like something was always missing and I just couldn’t put my finger on it. I constantly compared the men I dated to my exes. And even if he seemed perfect, I'd find something wrong with him.

I used to think that if I just found the “right” guy the relationship would magically work just like in the movies. However, that’s not the case. Through a process of self discovery, uncovering the truth about myself (by getting the help and support that I needed) I learned that it was never about "the guy." It was always about me. I needed to change my unconscious beliefs about myself in order to attract that right partner.

love coachSo if you still haven’t found the guy for you, and relationships are just not working out, most likely you have a blind spot you just can’t see. And if you do know what it is, you haven’t been able to fully access it yet.

I thought that I needed to heal on my own, “just get my shiz together.” Hey, I've always heard "Time heals all wounds." NOT. It took me almost four years before I realized that I could not do it by myself. Four years of lots of TV re-runs, dead-end dates, failed relationships, loss of self confidence and questioning the value I held in a relationship. And let’s be honest; how long can one wait while the unhappiness and frustration one way or another easily starts spilling into your career, your dreams, and your energy levels? So I finally gave in and accepted help.

Here is the great part. It doesn’t have to take that long for you.

I get where you're at. Divorced or not, you give your relationships your all, you put your heart on the line and it doesn't work out. I want you to get to that place where you will be able to put your heart out there again in an even bigger way. There's hope. I turned my relationships and life around, and damn, if I could do it so can you!

To help you begin shifting from the inside out so you can be with the man you always dream about, I am offering you a four week "Single to Soulmate Accelerated Program." So that I can serve you to the best of my ability, I'm limiting the enrollment to only 10 women. Plus, I made it super affordable so it's totally low risk to sign up! (Trust me, I know your heart is precious and you guard it well……and that is the point. Your HEART is PRECIOUS and it’s time to let your guard down. You don’t have to do it alone.) xoxoxoxo

>>>> CLICK HERE to schedule a time for us to talk to see if the class is a good fit for you. (Remember, I'm only accepting 10 women so take action now!) With Deepest Love, Jen

My Big Secret Revealed

I didn’t go to the liquor store to buy alcohol the other day. But no one was there to give me a gold star or say good job; I'm the only one that knew. I would also be the only one that knew if I decided to pop into the store and buy a bottle of Bacardi. No one at the store would have said a thing.

A little back story. Alcohol and I aren’t really good friends. I have this little problem that when I drink I have the capability of transforming into the biggest a**hole, destroying anything in my path and then feeling worthless the next morning. So going to the liquor store and buying a bottle is a bigger deal to me than for most people.

free to be meThis is not something I ever wanted to share with you. For fear that you might think lesser of me. But my need to share my story with you in the slight chance that it can help you or someone you love outweighs my need for you to think highly of me. And, to be frank and selfish, sharing this really helps me continue my journey of being FREEEEEEEE to love and accept myself…..ALL of ME. So you’re welcome and thanks!

See the thing is that, on that particular day, I was feeling sad, confused, discouraged and isolated for many reasons, for all the reasons, heck sometimes there doesn’t even have to be a reason.

Can you relate?

It’s a run of the mill Saturday night, the world seems to be functioning, the news is on, traffic continues, friends and family are in their routine but you just feel like an outsider…..disconnected.

Well, these are all feelings I have been very familiar with. The significant difference is that now I handle them differently. I really want to share with you what steps I take when these feelings come on strong. (Trust me it wasn’t always this way and, at the beginning, it can be challenging but that’s okay because if I did it you definitely could do it too!)

In the past, when these feelings came on I would either:

  • buy a bottle of vodka and a small bottle of coca-cola, pour some of the soda out as soon as I got of the store and mix the vodka with it and DRIVE…..yes drive…. home….or to a nightclub.
  • find someone to cheat on my boyfriend with, I would call an ex or someone just to say “hi” which, of course, would sometimes lead to more.
  • find any reason to go spend money... “Shopping spree.”
  • argue with the family member or friend that was within ½ mile radius.

All of these activities provided me with an OUT….a way not to feel my feelings, a way to go numb, a way to blame someone else later, a way to fill an insatiable void.

Unfortunately for me and everyone that got hurt in the process-------it didn’t work and it sure as hell won’t work now.

The tricky thing is that you or your loved one may not even know that this is even happening. Sometimes, your brain is so hard-wired to not know how to deal with disconnection, sadness, depression, isolation, and  frustration that it quickly (almost automatically) goes into autopilot……and the defense mechanisms you choose feel so real and needed.

For example, the argument with your friend or family member …..well they really deserved it……and the crazy shopping spree…..well what if those clothes weren’t discounted next time or even there, and well you have nothing to wear…….the running to another lover…….well my current boyfriend deserved it, he should have been nicer to me.

You see what I mean? It can easily feel real, it’s tricky.

So now to the bright side……the best part of me being my own biggest problem is that I was also my biggest solution.

I want my downfalls to contribute to you stepping up in your life!

You might be wondering what I do now when I feel stuck and lousy. Below are the steps I use. I also teach my clients these steps when I am helping them attract their soulmate because it's so important to really get to the core of feelings…..no more numbing out, no more autopilot. And it can be scary so that’s why I’m there to coach them through the process.

find soulmate1. FEEL- FEEL it in every cell, allow it, don’t resist, you count, your feelings count 2. Cry it out—RELEASE, maybe it’s screaming into the pillow or in an empty (non-moving !) car. This is not the the time to “keep your shiz together.” 3. Journal it out-even a few lines, even the same word over and over, your subconscious becomes engaged when you write, you reconnect with all of you. 4. Sleep it out/Dance it out/Kickbox it out- move that energy! 5. You will feel a shift. When you're in a new space go back and reflect what was happening and don’t ask WHY is this happening but HOW can I make it better for myself next time? WHAT do I need in place to help me feel ___________? And remember to remind yourself that you are human and it’s okay to muck it up sometimes, BUT it’s NOT ever okay to berate and belittle yourself. 6. MOST IMPORTANTLY---REPLENISH…..soothe yourself, reconnect with someone positive or get a massage. My favorite things to replenish myself is eating a yummy bowl of chicken soup with lots of ginger or taking a nice walk at Garret Mountain.

Keep in mind, that these are the very first steps I took and then came the good stuff....

Two BIG HUGE ONES ARE ....ONE...having gratitude for the good that was going on in my life helps me shift my feelings, I mean really having gratitude......for example not just saying, "Im grateful for my mom" instead really feel into it, "I'm grateful for my mom's strong hugs every time she sees me, every time I walk into her house she tells me how great it is to see me and I see her smiling face......I'm so grateful." (Be specific.)

And TWO......getting a spiritual connection to something bigger than me, wherever your faith lies by reminding yourself of this faith, what it means to you, how it supports you is key to feeling connected with yourself and others.

You can do it! I believe in you.

Remember, if you're ready for different results then you've gotta try different actions. I have your back.

Need some advice on your love life? Send your question over to info@jennifercastaneda.com with the subject line “single to soulmate” and your question will be answered within 24 hours!

RSVP to The Divorce Party

"I am having my divorce party" is what my friend Michael said to me when I asked about his plans for the weekend. I had never heard of such a thing and thought it was just another excuse to party.  I remember him giving me a whole explanation but honestly when he mentioned the dwarfs,  it sounded more like a bachelor party than this healing get together he initially said it was. Fast forward 10 years and 2 Divorces later ....wow.....how time flys.....I understand him 110%. Divorces do deserve a celebration, at least YOU do. And maybe not necessarily with dwarfs but YOU deserve to be celebrated. It's a hard process and if you are anything like me at some point it felt like a part of you died. Like a piece of you would always be missing. But somehow, you put yourself together again and came out the other side even more beautiful and brilliant than before. And if right now you still feel jaded or nothing like I am describing give it some time, we will be waiting for you on the other side!

So in celebration of You I have put these 8 reasons together of why we need to celebrate......and  to continue the celebration in the comments I would love to hear which reason you loved the best and share with me your own reason to celebrate!  Would love you to join our fb family to at https://www.facebook.com/JenC.ReikiHealingForYou

My Top 8 Reason On Why We Need To Celebrate That We Are Divorced

Disclaimer for my grandma if she reads this:

Mami, I am not encouraging Divorce. I hope next time I get married it will be with an amazing man and it will be "till death do us part"  I Just think that being Divorced still needs to be celebrated because it really takes your soul away.......Ok, so maybe that's little dramatic, that's the Peruvian in me, but damn it sure feels like it can take it away.

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Part II Results of Taking Oath of Silence for 48hours

Part II Results of Taking Oath of Silence for 48hours

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silence Ever have this overwhelming feeling of wanting to reach out to your friends, your tribe, your peeps, your community......well this is how I feel in this very moment!

I wanted to reach out to you and share something special and important with you----it's my intention that this information will help strengthen your relationships as well as our relationship.

silence2In a previous blog I let you into my heart and shared a challenging time I was having with my transition in moving from San Diego back  to Jersey and how it was rough, confusing and frustrating. So somehow it dawned on me to take an oath of silence for a few days. Not an easy feat if you know me but it was THE ONE THING that felt really right in the midst of chaos.

Now, I had never done something like this before so I did what anyone else trying something new would do......I GOOGLED it!

Wow and I found SOOOO many rules about it and lots of recommendations of do's and don't.  I decided to keep it simple,

so these are the rules I followed.

1. Let my family and close friends know beforehand

2. Wrote this on a piece of paper that I kept in my pocket (in both spanish and english)  to show someone if they approached me, (didn't go over so well when a very sweet Jehova's witness came over to my place.....I was alone when I opened the door and I showed her the paper.....I still wonder if her frown meant she didn't believe me ):  I couldn't help myself so I hugged her and gladly accepted the booklet she was sharing.

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3. I journaled my feelings, no t.v, internet or phone

FINDINGS

1. Of course THIS turned out to be the weekend I ran into lots of old friends, cousins and business associates "randomly" on the streets. Some of them laughed, some said, "that's interesting",  or "good for you" And I can't decide which is my favorite between  "you should try this more often" or the woman at the bakery that said to my mom, "I am sorry about your daughter." (because I love that my mom didn't feel she had to give an explanation and just said thank you and went on shopping)

2. It was interesting when a friend would gossip and I had nothing to say.......the gossip and her energy around it quickly subdued and she stopped.

gossip

3. It was interesting when my mom spoke about her feelings on a delicate subject and since I wasn't able to respond or say anything......she was free to be completely open....she just kept sharing and sharing her deep feelings until she cried.....and then we hugged.

mom

4. It was interesting when doing a 6am INSANITY workout with my brother and cousin Corina, I observed them having a good time, laughing and bonding over exercise.

exercise (not my brother & cousin lol)

5. It was even more interesting when Chris said something that upset me.....I wanted to quickly sting back and defend myself but I couldn't.......(but I was close).....and as he kept talking, my not being able to talk caused all my feelings to INTENSIFY and my feelings flowed so much more quickly inside of me....from blame......to anger.....as we rounded the corner to sadness....then to fear and finally tears flowed through my eyes and he had no idea until that point all the feelings I was having......I looked at him.....right into his eyes.......and couldn't say a word......tears on my cheeks....I took a deep breath and then I felt it.......felt it like a truck had hit me.....the love in his heart......the love in his eyes.....without a word......I moved forward and hugged him so hard and he hugged me back even harder. He later told me he felt an immense amount of love in that hug and didn't realize that a talk about a bank statement had so much impact on me lol

couple hug

But so do you get it yet? Do you get what I learned and what will help you strengthen your relationships?

1) Your words are powerful and can add fuel to any fire if used for evil.

2) Your silence is precious and also powerful and can cause the strongest hearts to soften and open up. Everyone wants and deserves to be fully heard.

3) When you speak too quickly......with your words or sarcasm.....are you putting up a wall to  simply defend yourself NOT from that person but from HAVING TO COME face to face with your own heart and emotions.

4) Not everyone will agree. understand or cheer you on for the things you do, even if

it's good for you.

5) If you are always talking you might miss the great things in life.

6) And finally when you share your true emotions with someone it gives them an opportunity to decide to share back.

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So it goes without saying I treasure this experience and would love to hear if you decide to try something like this, comment below if you want to share any experience you might have had like this.

PS. did you know that it actually takes 7-8 steps in the process of communication to be an ACTIVE listener.....have you been running into trouble when you communicate with people? Contact me at info@jennifercastaneda.com and let's get that squared away in one powerful session......it's ok you can contact me I don't have any Silent Oaths scheduled this month ( ; [contact-form][contact-field label='Name' type='name' required='1'/][contact-field label='Email' type='email' required='1'/][contact-field label='Website' type='url'/][contact-field label='Comment' type='textarea' required='1'/][/contact-form]

The Time The Guy I Was Dating Spit Cereal in My Face

The Time The Guy I Was Dating Spit Cereal in My Face

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..humiliated me, shocked me, belittled me, hurt.......but I didn't leave. I can't exactly remember what was his reason for doing it but I do remember we were talking, he had milk and cereal in the bowl and he might have been hungover. He spit a whole mouthful Whack! right into my face.

Dr. Owen Hunt from Grey's Anatomy shares my surprise when it happened!

cereal

I didn't even leave his apartment afterwards. I didn't even scream at him or stop him. I just sat there. Not even mad. Just sad.

I stayed in the relationship with him after the incident (which was one of many subtle and not so subtle dis-empowering moments I was to have and I would love to share with you in the future.)

I want to also share that this didn't happen in my teens either, I was well into my twenties, college education and had great family support.

I convinced myself somehow......"he will change, he is going through so much right now, he didn't mean to, but he does so many other great things for me, I could handle things, I shouldn't have gotten him upset"

Some of you who do know me personally might be surprised to hear about this.  Not many people in my life know about this incident but I wanted to share this part of my life with you because I know there's a chance it will make a difference in your life.  I want you to know that although I have an epic, loving, The Notebook meets Seinfeld kind of relationship now, it's not where I have always been.

       PLUS   elaine1

= My dream Relationship

I share my story of having cereal spit in my face by the guy I was seeing because I know there might be a chance that you feel unloved, lost, frustrated, hurt and alone like I did.

There's a possibility  you might be like me, a professional, caring, beautiful and educated woman that is tired of not being able to attract or keep the type of relationship and soulmate you dream of.  There was no logical reason for me to be with someone like that and there is no logical reason for you not be with your soulmate either.

But it's not about logic, is it?

I didn't realize that there was a deeper stronger magnetic attraction that kept me in these types of relationships. I had to unlearn this attraction and learn a new way. This new way is what directed me to my The Notebook meets Seinfeld kind of relationship that I always dreamed of.
magnet                                                                                                                                          These magnetic deep attractions can be your worst enemy or your best ally.

I share this with you because, if you are in my circle then you are an amazing woman with  special gifts & a special kind of love you want to bring into your relationship, I share this with you because, you or a good friend of yours, is possibly going through what I went through and neither you or her have to.

Sure every love story (or nightmare story) is different but I can assure you I can help you easily recognize these deep seeded sometimes subconscious attractions to toxic relationships, but even more importantly I will help you to easily attract the man or woman of your dreams.

If you are ready for the love of your life don't waste another day my friend.

Don't spend another day sharing your love on unrequited love or in an empty house because there is someone even more ready than you are that is waiting for you.

What's What movies or shows would make up your dream relationship?? Share with me via  https://www.facebook.com/coachjencastaneda  or comment below!

Lovingly, Jennifer

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Jennifer Castaneda is the co-author of the forthcoming book, "Love, Dating & The Real Happily Ever After" Her mission is to help single smart women who are tired of playing games or waiting and desire to attract their soulmate. To work with her, stay updated with how to finally attract your soulmate or request her for a speaking engagement contact her at  www.jennifercastaneda.com

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He Said, "Shut Up Already" Dating & How Silence Helped Me Feel Closer To My Soulmate Part 1

"Shut up Already!" Is what I kept hearing in my dreams. When I woke up, I looked it up online for some deep meaning but didn't get any hits. I tried to interpret it in many different ways. Was it in regards to what happened a few weeks ago when I stood up for myself and told my sister- in- law to not call me "Mongola" anymore (which for the record and if she ever reads this  she was very cool, apologetic and loving about it, Love you Ana!) , was it about the weird action movie I saw last night, do I need to tell someone to shut up or was it  random and nothing at all. Had to be something because I don't believe dreams are random at all.

But as the day went on I forgot about it and the thoughts that have been overpowering my mind for the past 3 weeks kept creeping up.   The thoughts about my very stressful living situation, my recent move from the beautiful San Diego to my close to the heart hometown, and very freakin humid "what's your exit?" Jersey, my business moving and feeling spread thin from all the family visits were becoming overwhelming.  Since I had come from such a peaceful place I tried my best to stay peaceful.  And wasn't being with family what I had been longing for? I mean it's one of the main reasons I moved back. So since I was trying to stay "zen", peaceful and keep it all together- I didn't even realize I was ignoring the anger brewing, the resentment, the fear and frustration. Recipe for a meltdown right?

After a heart opening call with my amazing biz coach I remembered it was ok and very necessary to vent. Sure, it's important to have a positive outlook and feeling about life YET it's equally important to be honest and let out all the feelings you might want to "DEPRESS" down. I mean did you know that's where the word depression comes from? From "depressing" your feelings for too long. I am not a stranger to the D word. Depression runs rampant in my family and I have also been V.P of that club.  I gave the pillows a beating, I cried, I journaled, I let it all out. I used every single tool I teach my own clients to use in times like these. The bed and couch never had a chance!

What a relief. Man did it feel GOOD.

Then my dream came back to me suddenly, "Shut Up Already!" and then it was clear to me, I'M THE ONE THAT HAD TO SHUT UP. I needed silence from myself FOR myself. Sure, I had seen something like this is in "Eat, Pray, Love" and while I had fantasized about eating lots of pasta, learning another language, and traveling -I had never ever thought of being in silence.  It felt new and strange but it felt right.  Hope you are still with me here- I almost wasn't!

So I decided to be in complete silence for 48 hours, no internet, no phone, only writing in case of emergency. I told my close knit business group, my parents and my boyfriend, Chris. Chris responded with, "Oh, like the monk from The Hangover.", yup like the monk from The Hangover. I love Chris.

I am looking forward to sharing with you what happened next, how it brought me closer to  Chris, how it helped me feel differently about my circumstances and how surprisingly enough Chris wants to try a silent day together! I also want to share some steps you can take if at the end of our journey together you want to give it a try!

If you can relate or want to comment feel free to do it below.

Lovingly,

Jennifer

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Jennifer Castaneda is the co-author of the forthcoming book, "Love, Dating & The Real Happily Ever After" Her mission is to help single smart women who are tired of playing games or waiting and desire to attract their soulmate. To work with her, stay updated with how to finally attract your soulmate or request her for a speaking engagement contact her at  www.jennifercastaneda.com

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